Cat Burglary and Coffee Shops
by justifyingReality413
Summary: Your name is Terezi Pyrope, and you really hoped it was your break. Alas, criminals don't care, and, well, the Cat is one of the most adorable criminals you've had the pleasure of chasing. Worth it. ((Neprezi fic request for modelofnerds on tumblr, T for swearing & sloppy makeouts))


Your name is Terezi Pyrope and you really thought it was your break time at... what does your car clock smell, 10:47 pm? Alas, your radio is beeping. You hit the cherry button and say, "This is Officer Pyrope, talk to me."

"Pyrope, ith Captor. We got a four fifty nine at the jewelry thtore on fifth and olive."

Ah, burglary. "Think it's the Cat?"

"Probably. Get going."

You pull out of the parking lot of McDonald's, farewell to its enticing scent, and turn on your siren.

The Cat is a notorious rouge that you've managed to apprehend befurr- before. Her use of cat puns and adorable blueberry cat hat slash mask has sort of endeared her to you? Regardless of how cute a criminal she is, she must be brought to justice. You arrive at the scene just as the Cat turns a corner and stops in her tracks noticing you're there. "Hello, Offurcir. I've gotta go now, but it was nice saying hi!" She backs up, slowly starting to run down an isle of necklaces. You chase after her, "Oh no, you don't!" You can't help the grin. It's fun to chase criminals, but you really should save the grin for the arrest.

She laughs, an adorable sound. "Mew couldn't catch me if mew tried!"

You prove that wrong. She's nearly in your arms for a few seconds, and then she is. You freeze. Why do you have a crush on a criminal?

She laughs again. "Why Offurcir Purrope, this is nonpurrfessional conduct!" She turns to face you and she kisses you. On the lips.

God dammit Terezi. Criminals should be brought to justice. Not on dates. And you really shouldn't slide to the floor and proceed to have sloppy makeouts. But yeah, nonpurr- nonprofessional conduct. It happens. You take your arms off of her for a second, reaching for the handcuffs you have on your belt...

And then she disappears, leaving the smell of blueberry and catnip in her wake, along with something you really wished wasn't polluting the air.

Smoke bomb- knockout gas combo.

* * *

Sollux pulls you up off the floor when you come to. He and this noob Egbert -incompetent asswipe- have arrived on the scene. "What thith time?"

"Knockout gas, but its clean now."

"Pyrope, ith- " He pauses. "Eleven oh theven. Go home."

"Yeah, okay. Goodnight, Sollux." You grin at him.

"Goodnight, Terezi!" Egbutt says. "Night, TZ." says Sollux.

You go home, but you obviously stop for coffee. The place has a resident cat and its name is Pounce de Leon. Also the -really really- adorable barista(?), Nepeta, is working there tonight. She perks up when she notices you. "Hey, Purrezi! Same as usual?"

"Yes, please. I need the taste of coffee right now."

She giggles. It's so familiar. You love its sound. "Of course! So what happened to mew today?"

"The Cat struck again," you begin, grinning in her general direction and digging through your wallet for the $4.13 your coffee costs.

"Ooooh, where?" she asks with wonder in her voice.

"The Jewelry store on fifth and olive. Shame, really, I kinda liked their stuff." Your coffee is handed to you and you take a grateful sip.

"Wait, is that that company? Didn't they donate like, half of their profits last year to an anti- trans group?" The wonder has been replaced with bitterness. "In that case, good for her."

You sit upright. "I didn't know that." You're taking note of the lack of cat puns in her voice.

"Well, I've actually taken notes with what you've told me about her heists. Apurrently the Cat's less of a cat burglar and more of a Robin Hood rogue type." she perks back up. "I could show mew, if that'd help!"

"That would, a lot. Thank you." You down the rest of your coffee, not minding the scalding in your throat. "When does your shift end? I think I might need this info ASAP."

She giggles again. "Cattually, a few minutes ago. I just stayed out here to talk with mew."

You grin. "Well then, you wanna show me your notes? Let's go."

She goes back through a door- to clock out, you presume- and then yes, comes back without the olive apron. She has a kitty sweater and an olive beanie though, and she smells adorable. "Let's go, Purrezi!" You two pile into your car- "I walked to work," she says- and she gives you directions to her apartment.

* * *

You two arrive shortly after midnight. Nepeta gives you a chocolate-chip cookie and then runs down a hallway. She comes back and presses a cherry red spiral notebook into your hands. "Here are my notes, I'm not sure how long you can stay but prrlease, feel furree!" She giggles.

"I'm not sure either," you say, flipping through the book. it's written in mostly blueberry and olive and cherry ink, and the entries each take up one page. "Uhm, do you have a copy of this? I don't wanna get spit all over your notes."

There's a light smacking sound- facepalm. "I'm sorry! I furrgot how you read. But cant you smell the colors and read it that way?" she asks. You nod.

"Mm-hmm, I can. So uh, how long would you like me to stay? I can give these back to you when I'm done, they're really great notes." The Cat really is a Robin Hood. The research done on the crime scenes- all four of the ones so far- yes even the one with sloppy makeouts- shows that they weren't all that innocent of victims. The most recent one, the jewelry store, had donated profits to an anti-trans group. Another was supporting the closure of the lgbt+ center downtown. Then there was the one advocating for the closure of animal shelters throughout the state. The first one, the bank? They were telling people to vote for Donald Trump. Really. And supporting his racist bullshit.

Sources were included for all of these, holy shit.

"I, uhm, I dunno, I mean its up to you, but I wanted to ask you a question furrst." You can smell he r cherry blush all the way from your seat on the couch.

"Yes, neppy?" You don't know. It popped into your head.

She moves onto the couch, sitting next to you. "If I've been reading signals right, the furrlings are mutual, but I'm still not that sure- anyways, would mew like to go out with me sometime?"

Did that just happen. Yes it did. Holy crap. You got made out with by one crush and asked out by the other. Today is great. "Today is great," you grin, and hug her. "I'd love that."

She hugs you back, giggling -so goddamn adorable- and then presses a small kiss to your lips. "Hehehe, you're my girlfurriend meow," she whispers. You chuckle in return and, for the second time today, have sloppy makeouts. Nepeta tastes delicious, like coffee and lavender and catnip. Wait.

Wait. Hold the fuck up.

You pull away, and Nepeta's little whine of disappointment hurts. "Hang on a sec... how did you have all of the info for the notes before I told you?"

You hear a quiet "shit," but you keep going. "You smell the same now as at the jewelry store, I just didn't notice it because of coffee smell. And I think you've worn your blueberry cat hat to work a few times, haven't you?" She inhales sharply. "Nepeta, you do realize I have to take you in for questioning, right?"

"I know, I just... I wanted to make a difference." Cat puns are lacking. You feel bad, and you pull Nep closer and hold her tightly.

"If it makes you feel better, you have. I know a good lawyer, and you have factual proof that these organizations were corrupt in the use of their profits- wait, what did you do with what you stole?"

She sighs. "I've only taken their money, but I donated it to purrty much the oppawsites of what they were using it fur." Cat puns are back and you smile.

"Well, I'm pretty sure you might be able to get off the hook with minimal penalty. But you know what we should do now?"

"Hmm?"

"Cuddle and sleep." She giggles softly and scoots closer to you, and you two do just that.

Your name is Terezi Pyrope and today you stopped a criminal, made out with her, found out she and your crush were one and the same, and started dating her. And had more sloppy makeouts. And tomorrow you'll help her find the light of justice.

You love today, is the last thing you think before you fall asleep.


End file.
